it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
