peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
