I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
