Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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