He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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