Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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