Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
