it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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