he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
