so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
