She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
