I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
