When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
