guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
