Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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