Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
