you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
