she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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