He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I could fuck to npr.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize