i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
