You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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