i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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