I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize