wat bout pragnant strippers??
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
