I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
