Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
