Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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