I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
