i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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