I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
