I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
