So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
