and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
