A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
