i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm at about main and main street
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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