You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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