Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
