just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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