you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
