Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
