he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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