he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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