margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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