He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
