If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
