once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
