Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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