omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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