i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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