I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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