The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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