this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
