my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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