I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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