lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
