I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
