It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
