..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
