I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
