So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
