We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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