She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i think my cat just said my name.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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