My friends, they love my intelligence
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
