all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
