dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
