walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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