after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
we're so committed to being not committed
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
