I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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