apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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