If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
