I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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