Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
