Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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