Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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