New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
