My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
