im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
