I got chris browned last night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
