please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
