i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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