Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Everyone says I win the strip club
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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