census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
