DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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