this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
