YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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