i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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